As I started to write this post my brother sent me a text message. He reminded me of how proud he was that I had this ability to forgive myself for mistakes I had made. I find the hardest part of life in general is moving beyond your mistakes and becoming a better you. I found that because I so easily move past mistakes, that give self doubt and insecurity, I have been able to be a strong person my whole life. Now that I am older, and by now I hope I am in the “learn from my mistakes” part of life, I still remember a time when I was lost and thought everyone judged me.
Starting in junior high I was apart of a vicious group of girls. They were considered the “popular” ones in our grade. I was constantly drawn in by their warmth and acceptance. Until I realized that the confidential things that I shared with them were repeated to others that I did not associate with. A lot of what I said to them was not only repeated but also twisted into falsity. And occasionally they would make up the whole story entirely.
The next part does contain some mature content. (I did not even know what it meant when I was accused of it).
In eighth grade I was hanging out in a big group of kids. My best friend was hanging out with a boy that she liked, I was hanging out with the boy I liked and two other boys were there also. The two other boys were being very annoying (maturity difference is a little stronger between boys and girls at this age). And the two “couples” decided to lock them out of the car (not a mature move on our part). When we did this they were not happy and took there razor shooters out the back of the truck and “scooted” off. (I know eight grade was a little silly). Anyway long story short the two boys “scooted” to a junior high party that contained a butt load of junior high kids. That was the place where they decided to (here is where the mature content comes in) tell everyone that I was doing something inappropriate with the boy I was with in the car and that was why we locked them out. That was not the case at all! We actually weren’t even kissing! And why did they spread a rumor about me and not about my friend who was in the car with a boy too? Well this rumor spread to the high school and that high school spread it to their friends at other high schools. And before I know it I had a reputation, which was untrue, that people who did not even know me judged me upon.
Unfortunately this rumor did not go away. And some people apologized about the harassment later in life, but it didn’t take back the hurt I felt for years. When I got to high school I decided to ditch all my friends and go solo for a while. Best/hardest decision I have ever made. Believe it or not they didn’t really realize I was gone. But with all the spare time I had I developed my love for design. I assistant taught the sewing class at my school, was an intern at two design firms and went away to Chicago for a summer and took fashion classes by the most influential designers in the industry. Now I am majoring in design and love every minute of it! I feel so successful and have so much self-confidence. And to my loving boyfriend of a year and a half, the reputation made in eighth grade means nothing to him, it is the reputation I am building now, and that is all that matters. So for all you readers that are going threw a hard time in junior high, high school or maybe still college, just remember that rumors eventually go away. The most important part of life is finding what you love, who truly loves you and sticking to it.
A Fellow Darling